Sunday, October 26, 2008

MIA is back and better!

Lol...infact loads and loads of laugh, not at you but at myself.

Wondering i suppose, i guarantee you its not koloqualism.I just realized i needed to laugh about everything.I remember three weeks ago, i was so mushy,gushy and depressed over my sexily beautiful man.Well guess what, i haven't met anyone yet but i think i have gotten over him.

Well i kinda got naughty before getting over him though and the whole episode went down like this:

After my interestingly depressing episode which lasted for days, i decided to heed ya''ll advice about not contacting him or trying to avoid any associations that reminded me of him.It was damn tough but i stuck by it.I concentrated on things that were work related....oh this point i couldn't completely delete him,his memory was ever lingering and loiting around somewhere with me,yet i concentrated on the alterior goal which was to get over him and move on.

Three long weeks have passed and candidly i actually decided to put myself to the test to really verify my state with him,how wise this is i am not sure but at the end most def, my curiosity was satisfied.

I called for a booty call and he gladly succumbed. i was shocked at the same time happy cos i knew i was gonna get me some of his sexy self.The meeting was intense, at first i was really nervous,got of by rambling and saying things i would probably be saying in my head out of my mouth.Sha the long and short was that, we got to some sheet rumbling like Redsapphire would  say. It was the same and for a few minutes i thought i had gone overboard and back to the same cycle.But alas, once we went our seperate ways, i couldn't believe the withdrawal i started experiencing on my own part.I took a good look at him and realise he was just like any other man i had met, with no speciality attached to him, infact some annoying habits might i add.

Its amazing what we are blinded to when we are dating someone,but the truth is when it all comes down to it and to the end, we realized it was nothing afterall.That was what i experienced and i am sure it applies to every.

I have finally gotten over him and his sexiness, i believe i deserve better and more and i most certainly will meet that person soon enough.

Thank you all for the encouragements, i have been delivered of a huge burden.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

I went back!

Ok yeah everybody, i know you're going to give me the "what the hell is wrong with u speech" and i totally understand.

Seriously who ever said getting over someone is easy. I miss him so much, yes i have tried to launch out into other things.At some point i had really forgotten about it him and started looking at other options.But could it be that simple?nahhhhh!

Confused! (read the previous post)

Everywhere i go, i think about him,i am with someone else and still wondering and thinking about him.Following redsapphire on her most recent post that love never dies a natural death, gurrl i totally agree.

Could loving someone be so difficult if they've actually moved on?

The reason i said this was because some nights ago i was mushy on the inside and i decided to send him an sms..oh by the way did i ever tell you,he is so good looking....

The content of the sms was "Do i ever cross your mind, was my sin so unpardonable? Just musing"

He replied "For the record, u sure do"

Me again"what was my sin?''

He replied"Avoidable stress"

SMS Literally stopped.

Communications stopped again till tonite.

I sent him an sms saying i missed him and truthfully i did.Why becos ever car that look like his passing seemed like him,every song i just so happened to be hearing,by default and otherwise, reminded me of him.It was just too much i had to send him the sms.Or maybe just thinking about it,it might have been the long PH glaring at me.

So he called later on tonight and for a space of two months, we were finally talking. He said we still have alot of chemistry but we weren't compatible.


Even though to me the relationship didn't bring out the best at that time,i still so much desire to make it work.I still desire a chance to be with him.He says he hasn't moved on,so please why can't we work through this.

As it is, i think i am still totally in love with this guy.I crave for him.But is this right for me?Can i try to work around the whole incompatibility thing.Oh by the way,what he meant by us not being compatible is our constant fights which he says i generate and he stays long days before he forgives me.

Isn't the search for compatibility a top player in reasons why alot of eligible adults are unmarried?What the f**k is this compatibilty thingy?,Why is the thing standing in between the relationship with him?

Am i just crazy? Has anyone ever gone through this shit?

Please does anybody have a brother who is available to be a rebound guy,someone to knock me to my roots?

shhhsshhhhh  i am tired.

I want to be love,be held,bbe in a relationship.Being alone sucks!

I don't want to continue just hanging around my girlfriends and friends alone.I want to be around a man that genuinely loves me,a man that would hold my hand,take walks with me.This whole public holiday is so long.I have bought series of long DVD' but it just doesn't cut it.

Yeah! Yeah! She's not confident in herself,she is not comfortable being alone,she can do alot on her so!

Everybody needs someone special,nobody has to go through life alone.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Sweet or Not?

Moving away past sarge to the very present times.....why...because the person i am writing about inspired this blog.

He was the sweetest, most cutest bloke i had seen in years. He oozed confidence, charm and sexiness.Seeing him made my knees wobble...well of course i tried to contain myself anytime i was opportuned to be around him..but damn...he was mighty fine.

My crush on him was far more than a year, i remember watching him on his way to work and back, infact i must say i almost qualified for stalker of the year.Anytime he was passing i would call my friends to come check him out.My passion was so intense that on a certain day, i made a prayer to God that he should just notice me, just once.

You wouldn't believe the speed at which my prayer was granted. I was at work on that fateful day(now i can't say i remember the date..uhmm!) going about the regular 8-5hrs, when a phone call came in from our reception saying my cutest bloke wanted to talk to me. For no reason..i guess my excitement sha...i jumped outta my seat, stood up and started pacing around the room.After prancing around i picked up the phone and at the other end was the most sexiest voice i had ever heard, sweet and lovely calling my name.

He said he wanted to see how i was doing that he had not seen me around in a while and was checking up on me that we would talk better some other time.(Boy was i glad).The rest of the day for me was like i had gone to heaven and back.

Afterwards we talked often,made office visits a handful number of times, but nothing intimate was shared. I didn't want to be forward, a girl had to be a girl u know so i kept my cool even though i was totally smittened by him.Well to cut the long story short, after we got tired of the hide and seek game, he blurted out on a sunday night during one of them days that he was into me and would like us to date. I had to tell him to repeat what he said over and over to be sure i was not hallucinating, he laughed and said he was serious. Omo at this stage ehn after waiting for like forever, i did shakara small and later said yes after about a day.

Oh boy was our early days sweet.We couldn't get enuf of each other.Sex was mighty good..infact i didn't have to wait 3 dates to sleep with him, i kissed him like there was no morrow,he gave me the best hugs so far..he was just everything i had hoped he'd be in my head, my dream man, my knight in shining armor, my salvadore...

screeeecchhhhhhh!now stop right there not so fast...

What! Boy was i woken up from my mills and boons dream. He showed me iskainchi ehn, abeg i no fit shout.

One moment i was sugar and honey to him, next thing i was utterly irritant to him.This one i won't lie about i was thrown and kicked to the curb and driven over by him.

Its now that i even see alot of what he did wrong,cos prior to this moment i had been blaming myself for everything that went wrong. He shushhed me alot of times during conversations, he called me a baby countless times for voicing my opinions,i had to fix appointments to be with him, if we had any argument..even after apologizing(if he's wrong) he'd go on keeping malice. He started forming busy all the tyme...oh damn was too much.

On a particular nite, he was prepping to go to SA, stayed over to help pack, nyte went very well..enjoyed the company but wait till the morning, all hell broke loose again.I only asked him why he never bothered to check up with me on me it wasn't too much to ask..i even asked around to see if what i said was too much and it wasn't...he in turn lashed out at me, raving and yelling at me..almost immediately i said i was sorry for upsetting him.He didn't speak to me again for that.

As his car drove off that day, i turned to give him a final look cos i knew it was over btwn us.He never bothered to call me again after that day.As i speak to u blogger, he still hasn't called me. I buried my pride and my grievances and called him after like two weeks.First time i did, he hissed and cut the line. Second time on another day when i called, he simply didn't know who  was calling.

I was heartbroken, it was sad.I henceforth vowed never to have a crush again.Whats the point sef, he'd eventually be a jerk.

Was it something i said, did or didn't do?.Was my rejection predetermined by the fact that i was simply me?The wrong one in the wrong place at the wrong time?

This has been months now, but i just can't seem to forget the experience.

Funny enough, i miss him everyday...i think i am losing there something i can do to forget him.

Friday, September 12, 2008

2 Years after!

The space between the 2years was absolutely devoted to God. I became completely disrespect to them folks....i can't remember if i ever desired the companionship of a man.My routine became strictly,my house, classroom,fellowship and back home.Looking back now, i realized it was absolutely boring and if i had to do it again..i would certainly do it alot better..

My reformed chastity was intact until i went for my industrial attachment.At the end of the exercise, i had a few weeks to myself so i decided to work at my church's bookshop to earn some extra cash.Then i met Oscar,he was so friendly and sweet.We hit if off so quickly...y! bcos he belonged to my church, workedd there me that was a good resume in dating.

For the weeks that i had left before returning to school, things were so blissful...until i went over to his house....that was where trouble started. One thing led to another, from kissing to smooching and then an unprotected baby though...but the point is we had sex...after all my mouth again...

Frankly over this i wasn't devastated though felt guilty...but bcos we were both in church, we knew how to run to God for forgiveness...infact if i told u the church i attended..u'd probably flog me...

Inspite of the sex we had, i had my doubts about the relationship in terms of the fact that he hadn't gone to school yet though independent,we were age mates and some other small stuffs like that...all of which if truly weighed, i could still live with, but somehow i still had doubts.

So off i went to school amidst tears of missing him, we exchanged phone calls a couple of times from nitel's pay phone(no handsets for peeps like us then)....until one day...i am very forgetful when it comes to i forgot his bday...didnt remember for like a week...after which i called and he told me he had started dating someone else.

Ehn! was my reply...he said he was serious he even gave me gists about the girl, i was not only shocked, i blamed my self for everything and fell into depression.I was quietly thanking God that it was now my final year, i had an opportunity to quickly finish and get out for the fear of shame, considering i had told a lot of peeps about my man.Aaahh! what will i tell them again..that he dumped me after a week of not speaking....

I cried as long as i could and got on with my life. The ironic thing was that he would call me anytime they had a quarrel, and me madam adviser would dish out advice..mumuu.

Long story shortened....after about a year or so, they broke off and he found his way back into my life and the willing i accepted him.He showed me shege at first, i didn't learn ba! was this was that gave me a rude awakening that peeps in the church are not different from those outside.

It was by far the shortest relationship i ever had....he said he was sorry, proposed eternity and ehn ehn...all na lie...could u believe he was seeing another girl..

When he had to choose again, he chose her over me...just two weeks after coming back together...this tyme around i felt like killing myself.This one ehn, i was desperate to get him back, i begged and begged,it made him detest me the more, i sought for his attention through gifts, it was still the same, he now started making a fool of me.He'd bring the girl over to see me, make snide comments, tried sleeping with me again, since he couldnt do it with her(she was a virgin) and worse of peeps that knew us together started pitying me.

The shame i felt was insurmountable,it felt like the ground beneath me couldn't carry me..i was devastated.. good for me almost immediately, NYSC came and sure as anything i needed to zap.

Oscar showed me and i was foolish enough to be showed...

Frankly i thought i couldn't get out of this until i met Sarge....uhmm uhmmm sarge....

Solota -loss of virginity

It was my sophomore year at the University in 2000.I never have been truly confident in my looks until my present days...Everybody around me was having boyfriends and i just didn’t want to be left out, so i made efforts to finding me a mate.Solota was the first to come around. He didn’t fit the description but as far as i was concerned half bread was better than pof pof. I was glad i was associated with friends, roommates didn't like him..they said he was so ugly...which by the way i couldn't just be bothered about.

He showered me with attention and care...did i mention he was in his final year then....i guess not. He was always there for me. At this point in time, sex wasn't a priority for me; even though i was really curious...i had always had my plans of only sleeping with my husband.

Nonetheless, after a few months of dating and several declined invitations over to his place, i obliged him....The instant i began the house visits, the touch touch’s the way...i was at a full grown age of 19years but still very naive and conservative.....i tried to stop him, but he convinced me, so i gave in.....

He was the most horrible kisser, he just goes all around the place...for his sake, i pray he's changed.

The d-day i finally gave up my virginity was on the 19th of December, 2000.I had just finished my last exam for that session and it had been wonderful, so i decided to go over to his place to share my excitement. No sooner had i got there, he pounced on me and starting the mouth watering kissing experience(Yukkk!!), he was moving gradually from my mouth to the g-area, as soon as this occurred to me...i began giving restrictions...i tried a couple of times and frankly he stopped. Thinking he had given up...i was slightly relieved. The next thing i knew was that he went to get Vaseline saying he wanted to clean my vagina....naively i gave in...i laid back with all confidence...between the minute i laid back and the moment he forcefully slid his finger into me went so fast i couldn’t believe it myself...all i could remember was that i started bleeding...suffice to say i had lost my virginity by the poking in of one's much for saving it till marriage....that’s why till date, i detest men sticking their fingers in to me......

Did i stop seeing him afterwards...your guess is a good as mine....NOOO!!..I went back over and over again..the sex was good...not the best thing that had ever happened but it was just good afterwards....

Did this go one for long...nope!!>.Did i mention i was born-again...all this while that i did this...i felt so guilty...i couldn't bear to look and be around my Christian friends for fear of them finding out what i had been up to..

The guilt was so much that it took over me completely to the point said i wasn't interested anymore in the relationship...He was shocked, he thought i was joking. In short i broke his heart. He begged me said all manner of things but i had made up my mind that i had to go back to GOD....The guilt was just too much....

The next two years brought me unto another journey.......