Monday, September 15, 2008

Sweet or Not?

Moving away past sarge to the very present times.....why...because the person i am writing about inspired this blog.

He was the sweetest, most cutest bloke i had seen in years. He oozed confidence, charm and sexiness.Seeing him made my knees wobble...well of course i tried to contain myself anytime i was opportuned to be around him..but damn...he was mighty fine.

My crush on him was far more than a year, i remember watching him on his way to work and back, infact i must say i almost qualified for stalker of the year.Anytime he was passing i would call my friends to come check him out.My passion was so intense that on a certain day, i made a prayer to God that he should just notice me, just once.

You wouldn't believe the speed at which my prayer was granted. I was at work on that fateful day(now i can't say i remember the date..uhmm!) going about the regular 8-5hrs, when a phone call came in from our reception saying my cutest bloke wanted to talk to me. For no reason..i guess my excitement sha...i jumped outta my seat, stood up and started pacing around the room.After prancing around i picked up the phone and at the other end was the most sexiest voice i had ever heard, sweet and lovely calling my name.

He said he wanted to see how i was doing that he had not seen me around in a while and was checking up on me that we would talk better some other time.(Boy was i glad).The rest of the day for me was like i had gone to heaven and back.

Afterwards we talked often,made office visits a handful number of times, but nothing intimate was shared. I didn't want to be forward, a girl had to be a girl u know so i kept my cool even though i was totally smittened by him.Well to cut the long story short, after we got tired of the hide and seek game, he blurted out on a sunday night during one of them days that he was into me and would like us to date. I had to tell him to repeat what he said over and over to be sure i was not hallucinating, he laughed and said he was serious. Omo at this stage ehn after waiting for like forever, i did shakara small and later said yes after about a day.

Oh boy was our early days sweet.We couldn't get enuf of each other.Sex was mighty good..infact i didn't have to wait 3 dates to sleep with him, i kissed him like there was no morrow,he gave me the best hugs so far..he was just everything i had hoped he'd be in my head, my dream man, my knight in shining armor, my salvadore...

screeeecchhhhhhh!now stop right there not so fast...

What! Boy was i woken up from my mills and boons dream. He showed me iskainchi ehn, abeg i no fit shout.

One moment i was sugar and honey to him, next thing i was utterly irritant to him.This one i won't lie about i was thrown and kicked to the curb and driven over by him.

Its now that i even see alot of what he did wrong,cos prior to this moment i had been blaming myself for everything that went wrong. He shushhed me alot of times during conversations, he called me a baby countless times for voicing my opinions,i had to fix appointments to be with him, if we had any argument..even after apologizing(if he's wrong) he'd go on keeping malice. He started forming busy all the tyme...oh damn it..it was too much.

On a particular nite, he was prepping to go to SA, stayed over to help pack, nyte went very well..enjoyed the company but wait till the morning, all hell broke loose again.I only asked him why he never bothered to check up with me on something..to me it wasn't too much to ask..i even asked around to see if what i said was too much and it wasn't...he in turn lashed out at me, raving and yelling at me..almost immediately i said i was sorry for upsetting him.He didn't speak to me again for that.

As his car drove off that day, i turned to give him a final look cos i knew it was over btwn us.He never bothered to call me again after that day.As i speak to u blogger, he still hasn't called me. I buried my pride and my grievances and called him after like two weeks.First time i did, he hissed and cut the line. Second time on another day when i called, he simply didn't know who  was calling.

I was heartbroken, it was sad.I henceforth vowed never to have a crush again.Whats the point sef, he'd eventually be a jerk.

Was it something i said, did or didn't do?.Was my rejection predetermined by the fact that i was simply me?The wrong one in the wrong place at the wrong time?

This has been months now, but i just can't seem to forget the experience.

Funny enough, i miss him everyday...i think i am losing it..is there something i can do to forget him.

15 comments:

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Stop trying
Stop trying to get over him
stop trying to forget him
the more you try
the more he will consume your mind.
Instead of focusing on him
how u miss him, want him back or love him, focus on yourself, how to make you happy, how to make your life better etc. You will find with time things will just flow and one day you will just go to bed and realised you were so busy with being you that you completely forgot to think about him. Then you will know you are completely healed. (sorry 4 the long ramblings)

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

oh hadnt realised I was first
yipeee!!!!!!

Tigeress said...

my o, my o. all i'm gonna say is- u'll get over him- make urself busy and have as many taosters as possible.

Caelestis Angelus! said...

I know how you feel girl, dust yourself up and move on. Its hard but the one will come soon trust me and then youll realsie how much time you wasted with this guy

Red Sapphire said...

I support missdefinately maybe...let him go by not holding unto him.He certainly aint worth the trouble.Yes u love him,that ok..but u need to put yourself first.

~Sirius~ said...

There's no such thing as a mistake, everything happens for a reason, it's in your PAST now, DON'T try, just LET him go. we meet people, and we play out in our heads how we expect them to act, and at the beginning they do ok, until the real them shows up and they don't act out what's in our heads, and eveything comes crashing down.....................take the lesson you learnt from this experience and live for tomorrow.........you'll be just fine girl.........loving ur blog.

Enigma said...

You'll be aight...it's easy to say move on...but you'll just have to..life goes my dear..

We men are just heartless...sorry

Red Sapphire said...

aaawh sweet thing...for your openness and honesty...i hereby confer u with an award of honesty..lol shey
Follow the link...
http://wwwredsapphire.blogspot.com.
Enjoy!!!!

Rebirth said...

i definitely relate on ur scenario. one min, i was treated like a queen, the next it was horrible. I kep trying to get over him, blamed myself and all u wrote but one day, i snapped. I realised i was ideal, perfect and i did nothing wrong. he just wasnt d guy for me. We were simply incompatible. I focused on self development, got busy with new things, took up a sport and started reading alot. basically, when u find urself missing him or about to call him in my case, do something else. go see a movie, call girlfriends and with time, it'd get better. its not automatic trust me, it takes a lot of time but ull get there.........
wow, this is long!

greyamethyst said...

Thank you all for your comments.They are very kind and soothing.I am glad you all visited and made serious contributions to my well being.I will not forget your gestures.
MISSDEFINITELY MAYBE....I will pull myself together and stop trying in its entirety,which is to say i will totally focus on my well being.obviously he doesnt give ahoot anymore.tha k u so much.
Tigeress, i guess u know why now i was so ticked off with sexy t,burnt really bad.but i v learnt again and i am still learning.Indeed its an absolute waste of time and emtions to beg a man to stay.One cant guarantee anything but more pain.I am too much for that shey!
Twix,i have already begun the dusting.
Redsapphire, thank you on so many levels,for the award and the kind comments given.
Sirius, i have most definitely learnt my lesson big time.I am growing everyday and getting better.Not my best at the moment,but i'll get there.
Funms, i love ur blog by the way,very interesting.Brings me on a different level and closer to God.The article about love is very touching.I will never forget u.You all.

Jay said...

Everything happens for a reason...he came into your life to show you that sometimes you can love someone all you want..but they maynot be the right one for you...

Its ok that you miss him...you actually probably miss having him around minus his drama.

Hope things get better xx

Teeee said...

I know how you are feeling - (ex had a baby with some chic and I am still thinking about it).
You're still healing, like a fresh wound. Remember that your life goes on with or without him (maybe he thought it won't, but it does). It's like storing loads of love in a bucket but delivering to the wrong person. Patience, strength and wisdom will help you to find the correct recipient. (Sorry about my metaphors) Take this as a lesson, focus on other areas of your life and revert to just making yourself happy.

Afronuts said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Afronuts said...

Just like miss maybe said...focus on making urself happy and 4get the guy!

Also learn ur lesson...
I believe it was after he had his way with u (sex)that scales of reality fell off his eyes and his true self came forth

If u had given time for a friendship to blossom, u would have seen it coming.

But no matter how he's treated u, u're better than whatever he sees u as! You're somebody another person would die for so pick up urself,dust urself and live life again.
things can only get better!

ibiluv said...

busy yaself with stuff that make u happy.....work....school....friends....movies......whatever u find joy in.....next thing u know u'll realise he hasnt crossed ur mind in days.......

this too shall pass!!!!!!!!